She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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