Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
