garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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