You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
