you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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