I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
