i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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