from now on my penis is your penis
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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