so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
