I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
operation harelip BJ is a go
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
