is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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