My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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