make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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