Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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