Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
