a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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