when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize