if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
