I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
