he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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