we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
