This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
