You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
