my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
