Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
