You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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