the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
