We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
