He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
