During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
