Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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