I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
