He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
