Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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