i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
