what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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