oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
