Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize