Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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