A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We're too hungover to prance.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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