I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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