I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
