I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
