i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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