Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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