"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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