I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dignity is for republicans.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
