so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
