No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
