I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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