i wish peter jackson would direct porn
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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