He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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