you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
