Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
