Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
