The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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