I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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