bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize