I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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