Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
