My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize