I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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