shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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