Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
