i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
