Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
