I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
