Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
