I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
