Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
