I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just pee around me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
