I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
