Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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