it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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