you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize