can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
