she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
