five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
