I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
