This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What did we do last night that was yellow?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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