Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize