What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
