So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
