nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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