Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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