also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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