you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
