She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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