I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Even my vagina gasped.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
