can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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