i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
