Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
