So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
