I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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